Riding a mosquito

It's June (just barely) in Iowa.  By this time of year, we are usually inundated with mosquitoes.  Even though we had an unusually snowy and cold winter, I should have known that the dang pesky insects would show their ugly suckers sometime soon.  This spring had been fairly pleasant.  It wasn't until the very end of May that the weather started turning humid (all that convection or some crap that meteorologists blame on corn crops evaporating water) and warm.  I know most people wouldn't consider 80s Fahrenheit to be "warm".  They'd think - sheesh you pansy, come to Arizona or California!  Well, I've lived in California, and I understand that warm is subjective.
The other night it rained - a lot!  I didn't think anything of it because we'd planted a few garden items in a small plot and I figured the rain would be great and save me on my water bill.  Plus, pulling the hose across half an acre is annoying. 

Last night I decided, as it was getting dark, to take the hoe out to the garden and get rid of some of the little weeds that have popped up.  In about 2.3 (yes 2.3!) seconds I was suddenly reminded of that OFF! commercial where they keep all the mosquitoes in a glass aquarium...and they stick a hand in there and it is suddenly completely covered with the little blood-suckers!  I started swinging as I hear buzz-byes around my ears.  Why do they always go for the earlobe?  I throw the hoe down and start dancing around swatting - annoyed.  I tell Denise, "I can't do this tonight!"  So, the little weeds have a few more days of life.

As the sign above shows - Iowa can be one of those places where you can either be carried off by mosquitoes or ride them.  Yeah, they're that big.  Our neighbors to the north (Minnesotans) like to say the mosquito is their state bird. Ha ha.  Try living in Valeria - where the name itself sounds like Maleria.  I think that gives us the right to complain about the danged things that want to disease us and drain us of our life sustaining fluids. 

I don't think it helps too much that my yard is adjacent to a state-owned wilderness area where they've discovered parts of it were originally part of a historical marshland ... and that the Department of Natural Resources decided they should restore and protect that marshland.  The critters (deer, rabbits, squirrels, foxes, coyotes, bob cats, amphibians, frogs, toads, turtles...) are all welcome.  My issue is that I didn't buy my home to be located next to the world's largest hatchery for mosquitoes.  Ok, maybe just the state's largest hatchery. 

The advice of the DNR is to not have any standing water around your home to prevent mosquitoes.  HELLO!  DNR, you are the ones who are letting standing water exist. Wow, what a public service announcement.

Here is a photo of the mosquito that chased me into the house this afternoon.

I have no idea why you would not believe me!  I mean, this thing is like Transformer Mosquito!  See, it even sticks around my house in the winter!

A lot of people are going to ask me how you ride a mosquito.  Quite simply, you take a regular horse saddle, strap it on the sucker, hitch yourself onto its back, and fly!  Use caution when riding mosquitoes however.  They tend to swoop and try to stick people on the ground, which makes it hard for you to not get blamed for the blood-letting as well.