My new favorite people of Walmart

The truth is this...Walmart is a breeding ground. I don't know if it is all the stuff they buy from China that is poisoning us, or if there is something the government in putting in our water. I invite you to the latest and worst. And please, if you see these people or know them, do not tell us who they are. I don't want to look them up on 411.com and get their address so that I can tell them what I really think.

Someone needs to call Jim Henson because I think we just found snuffalumpagus or at least one of his puppets. Wasn't this thing on Fraggle Rock?

I know how this guy feels.  Every time I go to Walmart I want to take a crap too, but dude...the pine tree air fresheners aren't going to help get the poop stain off your butt.  You need some resolve carpet cleaner. Trust me!

Beep! Beep! Beep!  Where are the police?  I think someone is passing the stop sign on the side of the school bus!  Oh, wait!  I bet she works for a cab company! (slapping my head)

First off, I bet he has that backpack so he can shove some of those Soap Opera mags in there.  Oh wait!  I think he might be looking for Desitin - diaper rash can be so annoying.

What is so unexpected about this photograph is that they are wearing matching colors.  Hey lady...you're supposed to put the straps of your repelling gear around your waist and crotch, not .... well never mind!

I have tried and tried to convince people that BigFoot is real.  Now I have absolute proof.  He is attracted to people who shamelessly advertise soda companies on their clothing. Seriously!

Ok, I've got the apple cider and the Christmas Hams, now what should I do?  Maybe I should tell the scooter store that they need to remove the velcro from the seat?

The inventor of the fanny pack had it all wrong.  You don't wear your fanny pack in the back...you wear it in the front.  Oh wait, is that really a fanny pack?   Maybe she's a kangaroo and that is where her Joey is.

Now we know where the last Geisha went.  She stole cherry blossoms and pasted them on her purse, then picked up a fuzzy pink bunny purse from Alice in Wonderland.  Then she went to Walmart to pick up some tuffets, or muffets, or whatever that is...curds and whey?

Everyone sing along...ohhhhhhhhhhh Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow, can you throw 'em over your shoulder ---- the answer is YES, YES I CAN!

Hey lady!  Read the sign: Stop.  Stop getting tats.  Stop picking up drugs.  And above all, stop wearing the shower curtain to Walmart.  I know it is waterproof, but still...

They say in Alaska, a sweater can be worn all year long - even after labor day.  They also encourage boots.  What they do not encourage is going commando while shopping for the AS SEEN ON TV items (to the right in the image.  I think that might be a topsy turvy or else a snuggie)

It was once rumored that Elvis had a long-term relationship with a poodle.  However, many people believe it to be just that, a rumor.  Then I saw this, and I knew we had positive DNA identification.  Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love! WOOOOO

Once upon a time, people were afraid of barbers (like the one in Seville) because they were known as 'blood-letters'.  Over time people began to go to chefs to trim their hair because everyone knew that Chefs were better with knives.  I think this style may either be stylized as a mushroom, a salad bowl, or perhaps a nuclear bomb.  Yes I said nuclear correctly (it isn't nuculer even in Texas).

Unfortunately, Rudolph became manic-depressive after the reindeer games and he led Santa into what could only be explained as a lifestyle of bling, kazaam, generic soda, apple juice, and toilet paper.  He's disguised right now because it is homecoming weekend and he's going to hit someone's trees with the TP - guaranteed.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Sponge-Bob!  Who does Sponge-Bob hang out with?  This woman is the real Sqiggly.  Don't believe me?  Then why is she in the aquatics section of the pet area in Walmart?  She's looking for her own pineapple dang it.

sus·pend

–verb (used with object)

1.

to hang by attachment to something above: to suspend a chandelier from the ceiling.

2.

to attach so as to allow free movement: to suspend a door on a hinge.

3.

to keep from falling, sinking, forming a deposit, etc., as if by hanging: to suspend solid particles in a liquid.

4.

to hold or keep undetermined; refrain from forming or concluding definitely: to suspend one's judgment.

5.

to defer or postpone: to suspend sentence on a convicted person.

6.

to cause to cease or bring to a stop or stay, usually for a time: to suspend payment.

7.

to cause to cease for a time from operation or effect, as a law, rule, privilege, service, or the like: to suspend ferry service.

8.

to debar, usually for a limited time, from the exercise of an office or function or the enjoyment of a privilege: The student was suspended from school.

9.

to keep in a mood or feeling of expectation or incompleteness; keep waiting in suspense: Finish the story; don't suspend us in midair.

10.

Music . to prolong (a note or tone) into the next chord.

–verb (used without object)

11.

to come to a stop, usually temporarily; cease from operation for a time.

12.

to stop payment; be unable to meet financial obligations.

My guess is that the definition for this person is: a mood or feeling of incompleteness, prolonging our agony, and holding back in judgment.  As for me?  I think he needs a new pair of pants, not a different pair of suspenders!