Sometimes life is the unfairest of unfair. I know that probably isn't technically correct grammar, but what can I do if that is how I really feel (and I know that other people feel the same way)?
Good friends, real friends, offer helpful advice on how to get even. Friends who don't know squat and don't really care about anything but themselves...well they always fall back on Dr. Phil or Oprah for their advice. Always remember, advice that is given in between commercials doesn't really solve life problems. Don't believe me? Try figuring YOUR life out in between commercial breaks. Seriously, try an experiment. What can it hurt? Watch Housewives of Who-Cares-Where (because they're nasty and contemptuous and make you feel better listening to other people gripe)...then wait for the commercials. As soon as the commercial break ends, start your egg timer (if you are like me and don't like stop watches). Write down everything you think is wrong or needs to be fixed in your life during that time. As soon as the commercials come on again, you're done. Did you get anything solved, or did you just start to scratch the surface on that list? My guess is that you didn't get nearly everything even written down, let alone solved. Now, get real.
Reality = what you decide it is.
Psychologists don't like to put it that way because they'd rather have you believe that reality is how much time you sit in a chair or on the couch in their office. After all, life issues are job security to them. I bet you've heard a ton of people say that they go into Psychiatry or study Psychology in school because they "want to help people". As a Psych minor in college, I can tell you that the truth is this; they took those classes because they were really trying to figure out what was wrong with them. Self-diagnosis is dangerous...and it's easier to diagnose a stranger because you don't have to carry the burden.
So, back to reality being what you decide it is. That really wasn't completely accurate either. The truth is, reality is real. Your decision process could be completely skewed by emotions. This is where revenge comes in. Philosophers will tell you how bad karma from revenge will bring negative energy down upon your head. They are the sour apples. Who said revenge had to be negative? Here are some ways to get revenge in a positive way.
I have been dealing with nasty bill collectors. I have bills. As an American, I live on credit. It's how the system works. You go into the emergency room thinking you're dying only to be sent on your way (being told that you feel like you are dying but what's wrong with you doesn't classify as life threatening - according to their mysterious system) and then receive outrageous bills. It makes you re-think what health care reform that is being recommended will really do for you. If you think it will eliminate debt collections, you are being misled. Your bills will most likely INCREASE due to the fact that more and more people will not be able to pay for or buy enough insurance coverage. More and more people will be forced onto socialized government insurance (ie. Medicare, Medicaid, etc.).
I contacted an attorney to get 'advice', and the 'advice' that I got was that I had two options; pay the debt (which obviously I can't do or I wouldn't have called him), file bankruptcy (which was another reason I was calling him for advice), or DIE. Did you read that correctly? Yes, he said, "Die". To which I countered, "The only insurance I have that would pay off any of my debts is the free accidental death policy my bank gave me. Unfortunately, it only covers meteor strikes, planes that fall from the sky, and superheroes who go rogue and opt to use kung fu on me...oh wait, it doesn't cover the superheroes..." You're right, I didn't say that to him. I did tell him that my accidental death policy wouldn't even be worth it to the creditors.
If you aren't smiling at least a little bit right now, maybe you should watch Oprah or Dr. Phil.
Here comes the sweet revenge:
1. Get personal, they do. - yeah, this may seem sort of petty, but isn't petty stuff that makes the world go around these days?
A friend told me that when a debt collector calls you and tells you that you should basically beg, borrow or steal from your family to pay off your debts; ask them if they are married or single. Then suggest to them that you have a friend that you think would be great for them to date (if they're single). That he/she is poor, but since they are an attorney, they would have enough money to take care of everything.
I had to laugh. I am wondering if that would really work, so I am saving that little piece of advice for the next time an 'anonymous' caller makes my phone sing "I Love the Way You Lie" (which is what my current ringtone is on my cell phone).
2. Hang up - yes, really. Make them call you back. When they call you back (and they will), hang up again. If they have the nerve to call back a third time, hang up again or let it go to voice mail. According to the FTC (Federal Trade Commission), if they call you back a fourth time...and even sometimes the third call...in rapid succession - they are harassing you. If you need more information on this, I would be more than happy to send you the website link.
3. Change your voice mail message to a foreign language - I tried this, and it worked for awhile. Every time my mother called, she would make a smart remark about the 'Spanish lady' on my phone, but she knew it was me. People that want something from you generally are expecting you to be an 'English-speaker', and the foreign language throws them off. Completely. Until they call you enough days in a row they actually catch you answering it instead of letting it go to voice mail. Yes, it is only temporary. However, if no one you know speaks a certain language, you can basically put whatever you want on your voice mail and they will be none the wiser. I can't advocate for cuss words, but if your conscience allows that (and there I will pause). If Spanish doesn't work, try German. German is considered an 'ancient language' in the 21st Century. There are no known debt collectors that I could find that are located in Germany that handle cases in U.S. States. That isn't to say that there aren't any, just that I couldn't find any. You may get someone on the other end who knows German, but if your name is McCarville, chances are (and yes, I pulled that name out of thin air) they are not going to expect you to be speaking German and will then move on to calling people with your same name in your state trying to find you. Make sure you tell your family to never admit they know you and never give out your information (phone number and address mainly). You have a right to privacy. Collectors have a right to try to find you. May I suggest you get a book or video game that requires you to find hidden objects (which are in plain sight but very difficult to find) if you aren't sure how to remain basically anonymous? You don't have to change your phone number...just avoid taking calls from people you don't know and never give your personal information on your voice mail. Good common sense and a whole lot of fun on your part.
One reminder: Many call centers are located in India. Try not to put your voice mail message in Hindi.
4. You are not obligated under any circumstance to talk to someone on the phone - get sweet revenge by refusing to answer it. Trust me...if you've ever tried calling someone or someplace and really need to get a hold of them...how irritating is it when you can't get anyone to answer or there is a busy signal? Think about it.
5. Refuse to get upset - laugh if you have to. There is nothing quite so annoying as being laughed at when you are down to some serious business. If it were your job to call and ask for something, would you feel good if someone laughed at you? No way! So don't let them bother you; just laugh. Laugh your fool head off. Fake it if you aren't good at spontaneous laughter. By all means, DO NOT CRY. They feed off of knowing they hit a nerve. Laugh like you caught a case of the giggles at a funeral and can't stop. It throws them off, makes you feel great, and when you hang up, you will be laughing even harder.
This is just a basic primer on how to deal with those sour apples in your life - mainly those who want what you don't have to give. None of this is legal advice, and admittedly some of it may not even be good advice. However, the BEST advice always comes from friends who are willing to help you even the score. Always!
Good friends, real friends, offer helpful advice on how to get even. Friends who don't know squat and don't really care about anything but themselves...well they always fall back on Dr. Phil or Oprah for their advice. Always remember, advice that is given in between commercials doesn't really solve life problems. Don't believe me? Try figuring YOUR life out in between commercial breaks. Seriously, try an experiment. What can it hurt? Watch Housewives of Who-Cares-Where (because they're nasty and contemptuous and make you feel better listening to other people gripe)...then wait for the commercials. As soon as the commercial break ends, start your egg timer (if you are like me and don't like stop watches). Write down everything you think is wrong or needs to be fixed in your life during that time. As soon as the commercials come on again, you're done. Did you get anything solved, or did you just start to scratch the surface on that list? My guess is that you didn't get nearly everything even written down, let alone solved. Now, get real.
Reality = what you decide it is.
Psychologists don't like to put it that way because they'd rather have you believe that reality is how much time you sit in a chair or on the couch in their office. After all, life issues are job security to them. I bet you've heard a ton of people say that they go into Psychiatry or study Psychology in school because they "want to help people". As a Psych minor in college, I can tell you that the truth is this; they took those classes because they were really trying to figure out what was wrong with them. Self-diagnosis is dangerous...and it's easier to diagnose a stranger because you don't have to carry the burden.
So, back to reality being what you decide it is. That really wasn't completely accurate either. The truth is, reality is real. Your decision process could be completely skewed by emotions. This is where revenge comes in. Philosophers will tell you how bad karma from revenge will bring negative energy down upon your head. They are the sour apples. Who said revenge had to be negative? Here are some ways to get revenge in a positive way.
I have been dealing with nasty bill collectors. I have bills. As an American, I live on credit. It's how the system works. You go into the emergency room thinking you're dying only to be sent on your way (being told that you feel like you are dying but what's wrong with you doesn't classify as life threatening - according to their mysterious system) and then receive outrageous bills. It makes you re-think what health care reform that is being recommended will really do for you. If you think it will eliminate debt collections, you are being misled. Your bills will most likely INCREASE due to the fact that more and more people will not be able to pay for or buy enough insurance coverage. More and more people will be forced onto socialized government insurance (ie. Medicare, Medicaid, etc.).
I contacted an attorney to get 'advice', and the 'advice' that I got was that I had two options; pay the debt (which obviously I can't do or I wouldn't have called him), file bankruptcy (which was another reason I was calling him for advice), or DIE. Did you read that correctly? Yes, he said, "Die". To which I countered, "The only insurance I have that would pay off any of my debts is the free accidental death policy my bank gave me. Unfortunately, it only covers meteor strikes, planes that fall from the sky, and superheroes who go rogue and opt to use kung fu on me...oh wait, it doesn't cover the superheroes..." You're right, I didn't say that to him. I did tell him that my accidental death policy wouldn't even be worth it to the creditors.
If you aren't smiling at least a little bit right now, maybe you should watch Oprah or Dr. Phil.
Here comes the sweet revenge:
1. Get personal, they do. - yeah, this may seem sort of petty, but isn't petty stuff that makes the world go around these days?
A friend told me that when a debt collector calls you and tells you that you should basically beg, borrow or steal from your family to pay off your debts; ask them if they are married or single. Then suggest to them that you have a friend that you think would be great for them to date (if they're single). That he/she is poor, but since they are an attorney, they would have enough money to take care of everything.
I had to laugh. I am wondering if that would really work, so I am saving that little piece of advice for the next time an 'anonymous' caller makes my phone sing "I Love the Way You Lie" (which is what my current ringtone is on my cell phone).
2. Hang up - yes, really. Make them call you back. When they call you back (and they will), hang up again. If they have the nerve to call back a third time, hang up again or let it go to voice mail. According to the FTC (Federal Trade Commission), if they call you back a fourth time...and even sometimes the third call...in rapid succession - they are harassing you. If you need more information on this, I would be more than happy to send you the website link.
3. Change your voice mail message to a foreign language - I tried this, and it worked for awhile. Every time my mother called, she would make a smart remark about the 'Spanish lady' on my phone, but she knew it was me. People that want something from you generally are expecting you to be an 'English-speaker', and the foreign language throws them off. Completely. Until they call you enough days in a row they actually catch you answering it instead of letting it go to voice mail. Yes, it is only temporary. However, if no one you know speaks a certain language, you can basically put whatever you want on your voice mail and they will be none the wiser. I can't advocate for cuss words, but if your conscience allows that (and there I will pause). If Spanish doesn't work, try German. German is considered an 'ancient language' in the 21st Century. There are no known debt collectors that I could find that are located in Germany that handle cases in U.S. States. That isn't to say that there aren't any, just that I couldn't find any. You may get someone on the other end who knows German, but if your name is McCarville, chances are (and yes, I pulled that name out of thin air) they are not going to expect you to be speaking German and will then move on to calling people with your same name in your state trying to find you. Make sure you tell your family to never admit they know you and never give out your information (phone number and address mainly). You have a right to privacy. Collectors have a right to try to find you. May I suggest you get a book or video game that requires you to find hidden objects (which are in plain sight but very difficult to find) if you aren't sure how to remain basically anonymous? You don't have to change your phone number...just avoid taking calls from people you don't know and never give your personal information on your voice mail. Good common sense and a whole lot of fun on your part.
One reminder: Many call centers are located in India. Try not to put your voice mail message in Hindi.
4. You are not obligated under any circumstance to talk to someone on the phone - get sweet revenge by refusing to answer it. Trust me...if you've ever tried calling someone or someplace and really need to get a hold of them...how irritating is it when you can't get anyone to answer or there is a busy signal? Think about it.
5. Refuse to get upset - laugh if you have to. There is nothing quite so annoying as being laughed at when you are down to some serious business. If it were your job to call and ask for something, would you feel good if someone laughed at you? No way! So don't let them bother you; just laugh. Laugh your fool head off. Fake it if you aren't good at spontaneous laughter. By all means, DO NOT CRY. They feed off of knowing they hit a nerve. Laugh like you caught a case of the giggles at a funeral and can't stop. It throws them off, makes you feel great, and when you hang up, you will be laughing even harder.
This is just a basic primer on how to deal with those sour apples in your life - mainly those who want what you don't have to give. None of this is legal advice, and admittedly some of it may not even be good advice. However, the BEST advice always comes from friends who are willing to help you even the score. Always!
I said that I was given two options...basically because I never considered "DEATH" to be an option. It wasn't a typing error, just sarcasm and irony.
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