When I woke up today, I realized I hadn't passed in my sleep, which was something of a relief. I got up, sat in front of the television set and was amazed at the complete lack of entertainment at 8:00 a.m. I realized then that the end must be near. If you don't believe me, then take a look at the signs...(and use the links to verify that I am not crazy - the world is!)
1. The Pope now has a Twitter account and uses an iPad to "Tweet".
2. The Nook e-book reader now has a feature where you can press a button and a dusty smell is emitted to make you feel like you're in a library.
3. Goodyear has a new economy tire out called the "Recession Radial"...roadside assistance is optional, but suggested.
4. Bernie Madolf thinks that he was swindled when he found out that he is to serve 150 years for Ponzi scheme; Swears he thought he was playing Yahtzee.
5. The U.S. Women's Soccer Team pays homage to nurses across America by donning possibly the ugliest uniforms next to actual nursing uniforms.
6. "Aqueduct probe targets lobbyist"; So does his Proctologist.
7. Seattle police leave an assault rifle on the trunk of their car; Even the Seahawks are smart enough to let them know how stupid they are.
8. Russian scientists expect that humanity will be visited by aliens within the next two decades; Sigourney Weaver prepares for fifth Aliens movie by drinking a bottle of Smirnoff (or Smirnov).
9. Inflatable Shark Among 300 New Species discovered in Philippines; Also in the neighbor's backyard pool.
10. Tom Petty sends 'cease and desist' letter to Michelle Bachmann for using his song 'American Girl' while John Wayne sends a message to Michelle Bachmann from the grave telling her she's more like Rooster Cogburn than he ever was.
11. North Korea says cause of loss to U.S. Women's soccer team was due to lightning; Kim Jong-il says it's the same reason he's so ugly.
12. Malaysia airlines bans babies from being seated in first class; US airlines ban Alec Baldwin from first class after embarrassing commercial.
13. Billy Ray Cyrus fears Miley will be attacked by Satan while music lovers around the world cover their ears as Miley's voice makes their heads hurt like hell.
14. Dutch hurdled in their plan to stop cannabis tourism; Cannabis users can't jump hurdles at Olympic trials and fail to qualify.
15. Little house of secrets discovered in plains (Cheyenne, Wyoming) to house mailboxes for people like
a jailed former prime minister of Ukraine; Laura Ingalls Wilder upset that she didn't think of similar idea using Mary as her postmaster on the prairie.
1. The Pope now has a Twitter account and uses an iPad to "Tweet".
2. The Nook e-book reader now has a feature where you can press a button and a dusty smell is emitted to make you feel like you're in a library.
3. Goodyear has a new economy tire out called the "Recession Radial"...roadside assistance is optional, but suggested.
4. Bernie Madolf thinks that he was swindled when he found out that he is to serve 150 years for Ponzi scheme; Swears he thought he was playing Yahtzee.
5. The U.S. Women's Soccer Team pays homage to nurses across America by donning possibly the ugliest uniforms next to actual nursing uniforms.
6. "Aqueduct probe targets lobbyist"; So does his Proctologist.
7. Seattle police leave an assault rifle on the trunk of their car; Even the Seahawks are smart enough to let them know how stupid they are.
8. Russian scientists expect that humanity will be visited by aliens within the next two decades; Sigourney Weaver prepares for fifth Aliens movie by drinking a bottle of Smirnoff (or Smirnov).
9. Inflatable Shark Among 300 New Species discovered in Philippines; Also in the neighbor's backyard pool.
10. Tom Petty sends 'cease and desist' letter to Michelle Bachmann for using his song 'American Girl' while John Wayne sends a message to Michelle Bachmann from the grave telling her she's more like Rooster Cogburn than he ever was.
11. North Korea says cause of loss to U.S. Women's soccer team was due to lightning; Kim Jong-il says it's the same reason he's so ugly.
12. Malaysia airlines bans babies from being seated in first class; US airlines ban Alec Baldwin from first class after embarrassing commercial.
13. Billy Ray Cyrus fears Miley will be attacked by Satan while music lovers around the world cover their ears as Miley's voice makes their heads hurt like hell.
14. Dutch hurdled in their plan to stop cannabis tourism; Cannabis users can't jump hurdles at Olympic trials and fail to qualify.
15. Little house of secrets discovered in plains (Cheyenne, Wyoming) to house mailboxes for people like
a jailed former prime minister of Ukraine; Laura Ingalls Wilder upset that she didn't think of similar idea using Mary as her postmaster on the prairie.
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